


Hetalia Goes Camping

by Maniac_Elle



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Camping, Drinking, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Humor, Multi, Nudity, Romance, Some Crack, Sorry!, Stripping, Stupidity, Swimming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maniac_Elle/pseuds/Maniac_Elle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>America invites England and Japan camping to celebrate his new awesome tent but somehow all the other nations get invited and a quiet week of admiring America's new purchase turns into a loud, alcohol fuelled affair where inhabitions run a little too low and Japan and Hungary worry they might run out of memory for their cameras.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Hetalia Goes Camping**  
   
Chapter One  


"Dudes!" America shouted as he threw the door open and broke into the room with a giant grin on his face. "Guess what I just bought?"

"Something super sized," England said and sipped his tea.

"Something awesome!" America shoved a shiny advertisement in front of England and Japan's faces.

Japan blinked at the picture. "Uh, I am unsure of what I am looking at, America-san."

"Come on, bro, it's a tent, for camping. Don't tell me you don't have tents in Japan?"

"Of course, but I have never seen so tent as..."

"Pompous?" England suggested.

"Extravagant."

"I know right," America said and looked longingly at the paper. "It's got, like, three bedrooms and a ridiculously huge main room, a porch and tinted windows and all these other cool things that I don't real care about but made it super expensive."

Japan smiled. "It's very impressive."

"And not at all a waste of money," England muttered into his drink.

America beamed. "It sure is."

"So I take it you are going camping, America-san?"

"You bet. And I'm taking you guys with me."

England spluttered into his drink. "You want us to go with you?"

"Of course." America wrapped his arms around England and Japan's shoulders, ignoring their uncomfortable squirming. "We can barbecue and cook s'mores and tell spooky stories – but not too scary," America quickly added. "And we can go fishing and swimming and hiking and shooting."

"I don't really think that's quite our thing," England said and freed himself from America's hold.

"I am afraid I would have to agree with England-san," Japan said.

"But..." America waved the advertisement around, "I bought a tent. A really expensive tent."

"You can still go camping," England said.

"But I don't want to go on my own. I'll be bored and it'll just be me and my thoughts and they get so annoying. Please come with me, please?" When neither of them spoke, America added as a afterthought, "You know drinking beer is a huge part of camping. It's kind of the only thing to do in the evening."

England looked up from his tea. "Really?"

"Totally."

England absently trailed a finger around his cup. Whilst he wasn't one for shooting or hiking or spending a week holed up with America in too close quarters, it would be nice to get away from the city and breathe in fresh air for once. He could always ditch America and take a walk with his supernatural friends or perhaps Japan whose company he enjoyed. Plus he'd be free of that French prat and able to drink as much as he wanted.

"Well I suppose it would be an experience," England said slowly.

"And you can take pictures and be at one with nature and all that bullcrap," America said to Japan.

"I do enjoy taking photographs," Japan said, thinking that he would bound to get a few good candids with England and America trapped together and intoxicated.

"Awesome," America shouted and slapped them heavily on the back. "Now first things first - food."

"I can-" England began.

"Let me finish," America yelled before England could complete his nausea inducing sentence. "I was gonna say that I can bring the food and that way I can make sure we'll have enough to last us so we don't turn cannibal and start eating each other's asses."

Japan tilted his head. "I'm not sure if that sentence could have been better phrased."

"I can bring food too. I could bake us my famous scones."

America's eyes widened in fear. "What, no, you can't do that to us."

"There's nothing wrong with my cooking!" England yelled.

Japan refrained from speaking.

"Actually I have a more important task for you."

"If I was in charge of the food I wouldn't just bring that processed junk you shovel into your face all day and night!"

America choose to derail the argument before they ended up stuck with all things burnt and lumpy. "It's about the beer."

England paused. "What about it?"

"I think you should be in charge of all the alcohol."

England crossed him arms. "You just don't want me near the food, which I think is very high and mighty of you considering how much you used to stuff your face with my meals when you lived with me."

"I think perhaps America-san is right in that you would be better suited to providing us with the beer," Japan said with a slight bow. "You are certainly the expert when it come to alcohol."

England's frown turned into a sigh. "Fine, I guess I can do that. After all I couldn't expect America not to bugger it up."

America and Japan swapped a relieved look.

"What should I bring, eh?" a voice asked.

Japan, America and England turned around. Stood almost invisibly behind them was Canada clutching his bear and smiling happily.

"Er..."

Canada waited patiently.

"I'm not... I mean... I..." America glanced at England and Japan. None of them knew how long he had been back there; the guy was like a ninja.

The smile on Canada's face faltered. "You did mean to invite me, right?"

America hadn't, though to be honest he hadn't thought not to invite him, he just hadn't thought about him one way or the other. He supposed one more couldn't hurt.

"...yeah? All the merrier, I guess." America said and scratched the back of his head.

Canada's face lit up again. "So what should I bring?"

"Er..."

England turned to America. "What about the camping equipment you don't have?"

"Yeah, bring that," America said loudly, glad to be back on track.

"Okay," Canada said. "What don't you have?"

America shrugged.

England sighed. "Did you actually buy anything apart from that ridiculous tent?"

"I forgot," America mumbled sheepishly before returning to his usual self. "But seeing as how I bought the world's greatest tent it's only fair that Canada buys all the crap no one cares about."

"I suppose that's fair," Canada said though he sounded unconvinced.

"And what shall be my task?" Japan asked.

"You can bring food too."

"Are you fucking kidding me you wanker! And exactly how many burgers and ice cream are you planning on inhaling?"

"I think we might end up with too much food," Japan said.

"Dude," America said. "There can never be too much food."

"Then why can't I bring anything!" England shouted, his face dark with anger.

Behind them, the polar bear looked up and asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm Canada."

 

 

#

"You brought _three_ boxes?" England asked staring at the boxes which were really the size of small crates.

"What? No, don't worry I have two more over there." America said pointing behind Japan.

"You brought _five_ boxes?"

"Yeah, good thing I figured Japan wouldn't pack enough for a Western appetite."

"I have packed enough food to last four men a week," Japan said as he slid a box onto America's truck. "Provided they eat sensible portions."

"Dude, no American can live off those children sized portions, not even children. And why is no one complaining about all the beer England's bringing."

"Because I brought a sensible number!"

"There's like twenty-five packs of twelve here!"

"Twenty eight packs," England huffed. "Twelve each a day."

"Are you trying to kill Japan?"

"It's not like I'm going to force him to drink them. And it's not like beer can go bad if it's not drunk."

"We should finish packing while we wait for Canada," Japan said before the conversation could spiral into fighting. He was also beginning to doubt his decision to go camping with England and America, no matter the compromising shots he would gain.

"Where is Canada?" England asked. "He's late."

"He better arrive soon. I'm getting hungry."

England grumbled under his breath but refrained from complaining as he helped Japan carry one of America's food crates. They were almost done when Canada arrived, jumping out of his car and running over to them with apologies.

"Do not worry, Canada-san, you have arrived in time."

"Oh, thank goodness. I was worried we would miss you."

"We wouldn't have left without you," America said. "You have all the equipment that isn't the world's best tent."

"What do you mean 'us'?" England asked.

" _Bonjour_ ," France trilled as he appeared from behind Canada's car.

"Why the hell did you invite that cheese eating, surrender monkey?"

Canada hugged his bear tight. "America said 'the more the merrier'."

"America's an idiot."

"Hey!"

"I don't see why I wasn't invited in the first place," France said with an air of having been wronged.

"Because no one wants to avoid being groped as you flounce around the place," England yelled.

"I do not flounce!"

"That's not the part you should be defending!"

Japan exhaled. The camping trip was turning less into a holiday for him and more into a job as group mediator. However, the introduction of France would certainly spice up his photos.

"Whatever man, you can't come," America said.

" _Pourquoi_?"

"Because no one wants you here," England said.

"Because we barely have enough food for four people and I'm not sharing with you."

"But I brought food," France whined. "Enough to share with everyone."

America smiled and slapped his back. "It's good to have you here."

England shook his head. "No, I don't want him here. He'll just stink up the place and there's no way in hell I'm sharing a tent with him."

"It's not like I want to see your sour face all week," France said. "Why don't you go home and I'll take your spot."

"You can't kick me out, I brought the beer, none of which you're having."

"Like I care about your watery drink, I brought wine, lots of it so no one cares if you leave."

England grabbed France's shirt. "At least I was invited and didn't have to worm my way in."

"I bet America only asked because he felt sorry for you," France said and caught England's jacket.

"You wouldn't even be here if you didn't have food. No one likes you France!"

"Ha! At least I have friends unlike Mr 'Splendid Isolation'!"

England launched himself at France and the two rolled around on the floor, throwing punches and screaming insults as Canada pleaded for them no stop. America laughed and munched on popcorn whilst Japan snapped a quick shot to add to his ever expanding England vs. France albums.

 

 

#

A few hours later the five nations arrived at their destination, England still in a foul mood and Canada nursing a sore arm from losing Punch buggy to America. Between the five of them they hauled the tent, camping equipment and some of the food and drinks to a large clearing in the forest. They had only set their things down when voices trailed their way.

"By the way," France muttered with a gleam in his eye. "I might have invited a few of my friends."

"You don't mean-" England asked.

France grinned. "O _ui_."

"What? Who is it?" America asked.

"Hallo losers, the awesome me is here," Prussia said as threw himself dramatically into the clearing.

England dropped his head into his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may not have gathered this from my highly detailed descriptions but I know very little about camping, including (but not limited to) tents, camping equipment and what you actually do when you go camping unless you're a teen in a horror flick in which case you die.
> 
> I'm also English and I dropped German and failed French so that should give you an idea of my language skills, therefore everything is Google translated so let me know if I screw anything up. Same if I mess up American, Canadian or whatever slang.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my first Hetalia fic (and my first fan fiction in a very long while). All the other characters will be introduced next chapter where there will be more fun, more arguments and more of me struggling to fake my way through anything camping related.
> 
> I'm really glad I hinged my story on something I know nothing about.
> 
> (P.S. This story is gonna be slow building so if you're hoping for le sex in the next chapter you're going to be disappointed.)
> 
> (As an added afterthought (now five chapters in), I should mention that all the above relationships will progress differently and not everyone will end up as a couple running off into the sunset together. This doesn't mean that the relationships won't happen but rather that while two characters might end up committed to one another, another pairing might begin dating whilst another could end up looking to reassess their current relationship. Hopefully this won't put anyone off.)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

 

“Why did you invite him?” America asked and folded him arms, put out that he had not been consulted on the matter first considering it was his impulsive purchase that had got them here in the first place.

“I was told the more the merrier,” France said as he skipped to the clearing to throw his arms around Prussia.

Canada slid into the background and went unnoticed by America who sincerely regretted his earlier choice of words.

“France had no right to invite you,” England shouted.  “He wasn't even invited in the first place.”

Canada ducked into the shadows.

“Too late, _mon ami_ , Prussia is already here,” France said in a voice filled with laughter that made England want to strangle him.

“Whatever, man, he's not staying with us.  There's already five of us and I'm not sharing my room like the rest of you guys.”

England turned his attention to America.  “I'm not sharing a room.”

“Then you're gonna half to sleep outside,” America said with laugh that made England dream of wrapping his hands around America's neck.

“If you do not mind, England-san,” Japan said as he watched England's hands turn into fists.  “I would be happy to share a room with you.”

The tension fell from England and his eyes widened.  “Really?”

Japan would much rather have preferred his own room but he figured sharing with England had to be better than sharing with France.  He smiled at England.  “I very much enjoyed the times you stayed at my house and it would be a chance to rekindle fond memories.”

England beamed and Japan tipped his head in a bow.

Forgotten behind them, Canada realised he was going to be zipped into a tight space with France and his wandering hands.  It supposed he could be worse.  Then he realised it could be worse it he found himself sleeping between France _and_ Prussia, which could be a very real possibility considering Prussia's lack of tent or even sleeping bag.

“Where's your camping gear?” Canada squeaked out to Prussia.

“Huh?” America said and turned around, his gaze passing twice over Canada before America found him.

“The other's are bringing everything,” Prussia said and flicked a thumb over his shoulder.

“What 'other's'?” America asked.

“Don't tell me you brought that dopey Spaniard with you?” England mumbled.

“Duh, of course.  And there's also Germany, Italy and Romano too.”

“But I didn't invite them,” France whined.  “Germany is too stiff and boring and Romano yells at me whenever I get within touching distance.”

Prussia shrugged his shoulders.  “Too late now.”

France huffed which was enough for England not to moan about more people.  America muttered something about guarding supplies and tried hiding his crates of food whilst Canada dodged him and Japan glanced into the forest for signs of his old friends.

They arrived soon after, Germany leading the pace at a march with Spain a little further behind and Italy and Romano struggling with their luggage.  Romano dumped his pack before Germany, almost crushing his toes in an act of defiance whilst Spain ran to Prussia and France and the three giggled and chatted in various languages.

“Japan!” Italy shouted and threw himself at the other nation, wrapping his arms around Japan and kissing him on both cheeks until Japan was red faced.  “I'm so glad you're here!  This is going to be so much fun, playing and drinking and eating – I packed lots and lots of pasta – and talking around a camp fire like we used to do, only this time we won't be stranded on a deserted island or battling the allies and maybe even Grandpa Rome will come visit us again,” Italy said, his words almost toppling over themselves as they escaped his mouth.

“Yes,” Japan said, subtly disentangling himself from Italy with skill long since amassed.  “We shall have a very nice time.”  He paused before adding, “I am glad you're here too.”

Italy made an appreciative noise and smiled his huge smile that made it look as if his eyes were closed.

Canada glanced at them then turned his attention to Germany and England talking and then to France, Prussia and Spain.  Only Romano stood on the outskirts, his eyebrows etched into a V as he crossed his arms and stared sulkily at the ground. Canada thought of trying to make conversation but then he knew little of Southern Italy, only that he did not want to get subjected to an outburst.

Instead he edged closer to America and cleared his throat, “Need any help?”

America instinctively wrapped his arms around the nearest crate but relaxed when he saw it was only Canada. “What?  Oh, hi Canada.”  He paused before adding, “Do you think our food will be safe.”

Canada took in the two crates and two of Japan's smaller boxes hidden under everything else they had brought and protected by America.  “I think they'll be fine.”

“No, not these, the boxes in my truck.  They're only hidden by the tarp, anyone could get them.”

“I'm sure under Germany's direction, Italy has brought more than enough pasta to feed all of us.”

America didn't look convinced but at that moment a woman's voice trilled through the clearing.

“We're not too late are we?” Hungary asked as she placed a rucksack on the floor and faced them with hands on hips.

“Quick, grab the food,” America said and pushed Canada into the forest.

An unhappy Austria stood behind Hungary with an equally unhappy Switzerland, a shyly smiling Liechtenstein, a unsure Seychelles and a cheerful Belgium.  A moment later Poland pushed by the group to lean on Hungary's shoulder leaving Lithuania huffing behind carrying two stuffed backpacks. 

Prussia rounded on them immediately. “Why are you here?  Who told you?”

Hungary stepped forward to face him. “We have as much right to be here as you do.”

“None of you have any right to be here,” England shouted but only France paid enough attention to hurl an insult his way as Prussia and Hungary squared up against one another.

“Go back to playing housewife and leave the outdoors to the men.”

“Ha, men!  Like I haven't beaten you up enough times over the centuries.”

“I only let you beat me so it wouldn't hurt your girly feelings.”

“This is yet another reason I didn't want to come,” Austria said as he brushed a fallen leaf off his clothes.

“What's wrong, Austria?  Worried I  
might take your happy place again?”

“You leave Austria alone,” Hungary shouted and grasped the handle of the frying pan at her waist and swung at Prussia.

“She is so totally going to kick your butt,” Poland said as he stepped out of her way.

Switzerland glanced down at Liechtenstein.  “Are you really sure you want to be here?”

Liechtenstein smiled and nodded. “It'll be good for us to spend time with the other nations.  We can make friends and have lots of fun.”

Switzerland glared at those around him.  He couldn't imagine a worse way to spend a week, but, Liechtenstein had asked for him to go and he could never refuse her pleading face.  Plus the alternative of leaving his sweet, little Liechtenstein in the company of a smooth talking France or a naked Italy was not an option.  However, at the time of his agreement he had not realised he would be sharing a tent with Lithuania, Poland and, worst of all, Austria.  He had almost turned back as they met for the ride down but Liechtenstein had taken his hand and looked up at him with wide, shiny eyes and he had given in.

“Where should I put these down,” Lithuania asked the every growing crowd.

“Nowhere,” England shouted,  “you can put it back in the car and go home.”

“Give it a rest, England,” France said.  “Or maybe you should be the one to go home.”

“I'm not going anywhere.”

“It's really heavy,” Lithuania said, his arms shaking.

“I claim this spot as my territory,” Poland said dragging Lithuania beside him.  “No one's allowed in this space without my permission.”

“Nah-ah,” America shouted from atop his crates.  “Everything here is mine.  I claimed it because I was the first one here.  There's my flag.”

He pointed to the American flag waving proudly in the breeze.

“When did you put that there?” England asked.

“And here did it come from?” Japan muttered, not recalling any flag like object when packing or unpacking the car.  He was not certain he wanted to know where America had hidden it.

“Whatever,” Poland said as he examined his fingernails.  “This is, like, totally boring.  I want to go skinny dipping.”

“Yay,” Italy said pulling off his shirt.  “I want to go swimming too.”

“You put those clothes back on,” Switzerland said and aimed his rifle.

Italy screamed and dove into Germany yelling for protection.

“Calm down and put your shirt back on,” Germany said as Italy flailed in his arms.

Romano glared at Germany “Get your hands off my brother you stinking bastard!”

“Aargh, please don't yell at Germany, brother.”

“I'll yell at whoever I want!”

A gun was cocked.  “I said put your clothes back on.”

“ _Bonjour, belle dames_ ,” France said and snaked an arm around Seychelles and Belgium's waists.

“Get off me!” Prussia yelled from the middle of the clearing.

Hungary tightened her choke hold. “Not until you apologise to Austria.”

“Never!”

“So, are we like going skinny dipping or what?”

Two screams sounded followed by an 'oof'' before France doubled over and fell to his knees, much to England's amusement.  Japan checked the shot on his camera.

Austria pushed his glasses up his nose.  “And to think I could be at home playing the piano.”

A few feet away, Canada returned, breathless and sweaty.  “I just saw-”

“Where's the other one two?” America interrupted, his gaze focused on the two crates in Canada's hands..

“I couldn't... couldn't carry them as well,” Canada handed the food to America and leant over to catch his breath.

“Dude, you need to exercise more, you look like you're gonna have a hernia,” America said as he carried a crate in each hand to his fort.

Canada glared at America.  “They're heavy, and I had to run back to tell you that-”

“Fine, if you're gonna bitch about it, I'll guess I can get the other two boxes.  Guard the food with your life.”  America narrowed his eyes.  “Your life.”

“No, wait...” Canada grasped America's bomber jacket as he strode past.

England frowned.  “Does anyone else feel a sinister presence?”

Lithuania trembled as Russia materialised out of the shadows behind him and clamped a hand on his shoulder.  “Hello comrades.”

The entire camp stilled as they turned to Russia and his child-like smile.

All except Poland who stepped between him and Lithuania.  “Keep your hands off my Liet, he totally belongs to me now.”

Russia continued his creepy, eyes shut smile.  “Aww, but I miss my little Lithuania.  It's not the same without him.”

China pushed by Russia.  “Will you hurry up and move out of the way.”

“Are, like, the two of you here _together_?” Poland asked. 

“ _Da_.”

“What!  No we're not, how dare you tell everyone that,” China said and smacked Russia.

“But we are together.”

“No, I came here with you, Estonia and Latvia.”

“But you and I going to share a tent together.”

“We are not sharing anything together!  I am having my own tent and you are sharing with those two, aru.”

“Aww...”

“Lithuania,” Latvia shouted and ran to hug his friend.  “It's so good to see you again.”

France sidled up to England.  “Aren't you going to tell Russia to leave like you told everyone else to?”

“Oh now you want me to tell people to leave,” England said.  “Well screw you tosser.   You told me to give it a rest so I'm not saying anything.”

“You're just too scared.”

“You say something then!” England yelled.

“But I'm a guest, I couldn't possibly tell someone to leave.”

“If you can invite people then you tell them to bugger off.”

“Coward!”

“Wimp!”

“Scaredy cat!”

“Chicken!”

“Why don't you ask America to stand up to Russia?” Spain suggested.  France and England looked up from their tussle on the ground.

“ _Oui_ , I think that would be best; this trip was his idea in the first place.”

“Exactly, and it would be rude for us to step in when he's in charge.”

England and France picked themselves up and turned to their equipment to find Canada sat atop the four stacked crates.

“Er, America went to get the rest of the food.”

“Greedy Americans,” a familiar sing-song voice said.

France and England spun around to find Russia behind them.

“Er, yeah, greedy Americans,” England agreed as France shivered beside him.

Russia smiled.

England and France forced the corners of their mouths up as they clung to one another.

“We're here,” Denmark shouted as he and the rest of the Nordics plus Sealand, strode into the clearing.

Sealand ran around with his arms outstretched like a plane.  “Yay, I'm a country too, just like everyone else here.”

“You are not a country,” England shouted as Sealand ran by.

Sealand stuck out his tongue.  “I am so a country, jerk face.”

“You don't even have land!”

“That doesn't matter!”

“Yes it does!”

Sealand ignored him when he spotted Latvia and ran over to show off his new toy.

Denmark clapped his hands together. “Okay guys, lets make this our base.”  He stepped in the gap between the Baltics and America's group and dropped the bag from his shoulders.  “Sweden, Finland and Sealand can sleep there and we can sleep here,” he said grabbing Norway and Iceland's bags and dropping them beside America's fort.

Norway elbowed Denmark's ribs.  “Who said we're sharing with you?”

“Of course we are, we're brothers,” Denmark said and squeezed Norway and Iceland into his chest.

“You're not my brother,” Iceland said.

“That doesn't matter because we're family.”  Denmark ruffled Iceland's hair until he managed to squirm away.

“Why don't we all just share one tent?” Finland suggested.

“Not enough room,” Sweden said, his face blank.  “But you and I can sleep together like we used to.”

Finland squeaked.  “You mean when we camped outside after leaving Denmark's house?” he asked with a forced laugh, deliberately not adding the part where they had shared a pillow and Sweden had practically cuddled Finland.

There was a pause for before Sweden said, “Yeah, sure.”

Finland smiled nervously before distracting himself with his dog, Hanatamago.

“Okay,” Denmark said. “We're going to get the tent up first.  Iceland, you clear room while Norway begins setting it up.  I'll supervise.”

“Stop talking idiot,” Norway said and flicked his ear.

Denmark rubbed his ear but the dumb grin remained on his face.

“Attention non-Americans!” a voice shouted through the clearing.  Everyone quieted and turned to watch American push Canada off the crates so he could stand on them. “Since this was my idea and my flag in the ground it means I'm the boss and, as the boss, I have some ground rules.  Number one, this is my food and no one is allowed to eat any of it except me.”

“It's my and Japan's food too,” France said.

“Then no one but me, Japan and France are allowed to eat it.”

“I brought the beer, asshat.”

“Fine, no one but me, Japan, France and England are allowed to touch it.”

Canada raised his hand but America was too busy narrowing his eyes and sweeping an accusatory finger across the nations to notice.  “And if anyone else so much as steals a french fry,” he said, his voice low and threatening, “I will take that as a decleration of war.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter seems chaotic but I had a lot of nations to get through and it ended up being longer than I had originally guessed. Next chapter will be similar with the focus shared between multiple characters but after that things will settle down as everyone begins to seperate and do their own thing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

 

Germany sighed. "No one wants to steal your food, America."

"Yeah, don't worry, America, I brought lots and lots of pasta so no one needs to eat your burgers," Italy said.

America flashed a thumbs up. "Okay, rule number two: the last one to put up their tent loses."

"Um, I don't think that's a rule," Canada said.

"It will be if you lose."

England rubbed his temples. "That makes no sense you imbecile."

"Come on guys," America said as he jumped off the crates and started digging until he produced the tent. "We have to win this."

"I'm not sure what we are winning," Japan said.

"The title of Number One."

"That title is gonna be ours!" Denmark said and unrolled his tent, tossing the contents to Norway and Iceland who made no attempt to catch anything.

"You're on!"

America and Denmark began issuing orders to their less than impressed team.

"Germany, Germany." Italy clutched his arm. "I want to play too."

"Fine," Germany said with a sigh. "We can put our tent up too."

Italy's happy noise was cut short with Romano sliding up behind them. "What do you mean 'our tent'? There's no way I'm letting my brother share a tent with a potato eating bastard."

"But I like sleeping with Germany," Italy whined.

Romano glared at the two of them. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That Germany is warm and cuddly and doesn't mind if I sleep naked."

Both Romano and Germany turned red.

"How dare you corrupt my little brother, you bastard," Romano said, glaring at Germany with all his might.

"I haven't done anything. It's not like I'm the one sleeping naked."

Spain slid an arm around Romano's shoulder. "What's the big deal? You and I have slept together naked in the same bed."

Romano's blush spread across his whole body. "That's not the same thing!"

"Why not?" Italy asked with a head tilt.

"Because... because," Romano shrugged Spain's arm away and folded his arms. "Because those were siestas so shut up"

"Well if you can sleep with Spain naked then I can sleep with Germany naked," Italy said.

Germany squeezed the bridge of his nose. "I'd rather no one slept naked."

"Good," Romano said and pulled Italy to his side. "Then you can share with Prussia and Italy can share with us."

"So we're all going to sleep together naked?" Spain asked as he ran fingers through Italy's hair.

Romano grabbed Spain's wrist and pulled him away from Italy. "Leave him alone."

"But he's so cute; I just want to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair"

Romano scowled at Spain. "Fine. If you like him so much then you two can share a tent and I'll sleep on my own."

"But I thought you wanted us to share?" Italy asked, eyes wide for once but as confused as ever.

"Spain obviously only wants to share with you."

"What?" Spain asked with a laugh. "Don't be silly."

"I'm not being silly," Romano said, his tone bitter. "You've always wanted my stupid brother and now you get to have him."

"What do you mean by 'have him'?" Germany asked with a frown.

Spain laughed lightly. "You're the one who wanted to share in the first place."

"But you're the one jumping at the idea, bastard!"

"I don't understand," Italy muttered. "It's only camping."

Germany exhaled and inwardly cursed his brother for disappearing and leaving him to deal with two Italians and a Spaniard.

"Oh Romano," Spain said and tried patting Romano's head only for his hand to be knocked roughly away. "Of course I want to share with you, you know you're my favourite little tomato."

Romano's blush returned but he looked less pissed off.

Spain wrapped an arm around Romano's shoulder and this time Romano let him. "Please don't sleep on your own, Romano. It would make me upset and I wouldn't be able to protect you if a big bear came and tried to gobble you up."

"I can look after myself, stupid jerk," Romano grumbled.

"I know," Spain said. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to protect you."

Romano mumbled something and Spain's wide smile returned. He hugged Romano until the Italian struggled from his embrace.

"So..." Italy began, bringing his finger to his mouth as he tried hard to follow a train of thought. "I'm sharing with Germany again?"

Romano's face flooded with anger. "No, you are not sharing with that macho bastard!"

Germany resisted the urge to bang his head into the nearest tree. "Why don't we put up the tents and then argue about who sleeps where?"

"Don't tell me what to do, damn it!"

Germany scanned the crowded clearing for his brother in the hope for some backup. He didn't find Prussia but at least it seemed their group wasn't the only one falling behind in the race.

To their right, Austria and Switzerland were doing their best to ignore one another as Poland sat on the grass braiding Liechtenstein's hair and Lithuania read instructions for putting the tent up.

Lithuania looked up from the paper and cleared his throat. "First we need to unroll the inner tent and peg each corner down."

Austria and Switzerland eyed each other, neither willing to do the work.

"It's your tent," Austria said following a moment of tense silence.

"You're going to be sleeping in it too."

Austria huffed. "It's not like I want to sleep in that old thing. Why couldn't you have bought something nicer like I did?"

"There's nothing wrong with it," Switzerland said, glowering at his neighbour. "And I'm not going to waste money on things I already own."

"Well I wish you would have said something and I could have bought us a tent that had been made this century. I won't be able to sleep on such cheap material."

"If you're complaining so much then why did you give your tent to the girls?"

Austria folded his arms. "Because I am a gentleman and I did not want Hungary sleeping in such an ugly thing."

"Hungary wouldn't care," Switzerland said as he tried not to let Austria wind him up more than he already had. "She can handle not sleeping on silk sheets and getting a little dirt under her fingernails."

"So you would have been happy to leave your little Liechtenstein to sleep in this cheap thing while we shared my luxurious tent?"

"Don't you talk about my Liechtenstein!"

"Well don't talk about my Hungary!"

The two nations glared at each other until a cough broke the silence.

"I, er, don't think the tent is really that bad," Lithuania mumbled. "I mean it's not torn or broken and seems in good condition. I'm sure it'll be more than fine."

Lithuania glanced between Austria and Switzerland hoping he'd managed to calm them down to get some help. He knew it would be useless trying to get Poland to pitch in and he didn't want to be left to put the tent up himself.

"Are you guys, like, still arguing?" Poland asked from his spot on the grass with Liechtenstein. "You know the girls are totally going to win."

"Of course we are," Belgium said and cast her gaze around the clearing to view the lack of progress made by the other teams. "Although it would be hard for us not to win."

"Are you sure I can't help?" Liechtenstein asked.

Hungary shook her head. "We've got it covered. You stay there and enjoy yourself."

"Ok," Liechtenstein said with a nod. "But if you need anything please let me know and I'll do my best to help."

"They're totally fine," Poland said as he ran his fingers through her hair and undid his work before starting over. "Plus it's, like, boring labour and that dress is totally too pretty to get dirty."

An odd noise sounded in the woods behind them. Seychelles turned her head towards the sound and scanned the area. "Did anyone else hear that?" she asked.

"It better not be France trying it on again," Belgium said but a quick glance showed him draping his arms around the nervous looking country with the polar bear.

Lithuania yelped and rubbed the side of his head.

"Like, what was that?" Poland asked.

Lithuania picked up an acorn that had hit him. "I feel like I'm about to have a flashback," he mumbled as more acorns flew in his direction. From the forest a muffled 'kesesese' sounded as an acorn hit the back of Austria's head.

"Don't make me beat you up twice in one day, Prussia," Hungary shouted as she flew towards the source, frying pan in hand like a sword.

"Hungary looks totally hot when she's angry," Poland said as he watched her go.

Austria made a noise.

In the distance they heard a 'thwack' and then a yelp.

"What was that?" Latvia asked, one half constructed tent over.

"I don't know," Estonia replied distractedly, wondering where the nearest Wi-Fi spot was.

"Hey!" China yelled. "Stop slacking off and get back to work. I am not going to lose this race, aru."

Behind him, Russia chuckled as he sat on one of the chairs they'd brought.

"What are you laughing at?" China asked as he turned on Russia.

"I like watching my little China taking command," Russia said with a bright smile. "We will be great partners when you are one with Mother Russia."

China paused for a moment before hitting Russia repeatedly with his bag. "Stop saying creepy things, aru!"

Russia laughed and Estonia and Latvia trembled.

A little further on, Sealand tugged at Sweden's arm. "I'm bored, can't I go play?"

"No," Sweden said. "We need to finish putting up the tent."

"But I want to play fetch with Hanatamago," Sealand said and dropped beside the dog so they could both stare at Sweden with big eyes.

Sweden looked down at them both, his face dark.

Finland swallowed and reached a tentative hand to Sweden before stopping himself. "It'll probably be easier without them to distract us," Finland murmured.

"A family should do things together."

Finland made a noise as he always did when Sweden referred to Finland as his wife or Sealand as their son or themselves as a family. Sometimes he thought, or hoped, that it was a long standing inside joke due to them living together since their split from Denmark but Sweden's humourless face said otherwise.

"Can I play with Hanatamago afterwards?" Sealand asked.

Sweden nodded and patted him on the head.

"Ok," Sealand said, his voice brimming with energy. "But I want to be in charge!"

Sweden watched him run over to the tent with Hanatamago at his heels, his expression a notch less terrifying than usual.

Iceland watched Finland and Sweden join Sealand before he looked back to Denmark scouring the ground for one of the poles he'd thrown. Norway hovered over him, arms crossed as he insulted the smiling Dane while Iceland wished he and Mr Puffin were back on his nice island away from the bickering nations. Or at least he wished they hadn't set up their tent so close to America and his loud mouth or the duo trying to force soil into each other's mouth. Iceland turned to watch Norway slap the back of Denmark's head.

"Idiot," Norway said. "How could you lose the equipment like this?"

Denmark lifted a log, the smile still on his face. "It's not lost, just misplaced. We'll find it eventually."

"You better find it before it gets dark."

"Of course we will," Denmark said and clapped a hand on Norway's shoulder. "You're just eager for us to go skinny dipping so you can see me naked."

"I'd rather see you drown."

He laughed as Iceland called to them. "I think I've found the pole," Iceland said.

They turned to see him pointing to Hanatamago racing by with the pole in his mouth like a stick.

"Thanks, little brother," Denmark shouted and chased after the dog.

"I'm not your brother," Iceland shouted after him but Denmark was gone into the woods.

Iceland sat on a log. "This is going to be a long week."

Mr Puffin grunted in reply.

Japan watched the Dane before turning his attention back to America.

"This tent kicks ass!" America said, grinning with pride. Then he dropped the picture and stared at the twisted mess in front of him. "So why doesn't mine?"

Japan's gaze flicked over their monstrosity. "I believe we should have followed the instructions."

"Heroes don't follow rules," America said and flashed his tooth sparkling smile. "They make up their own laws and do whatever the hell they want."

"I'm not sure that logic applies to the building of three bedroomed tents."

"Please can you hurry up and take this off me?" Canada asked, still holding the entrance to the tent over his head as he'd been doing for the last five minutes.

"Maybe we should take a break and come back to it after we've eaten," America said, oblivious to Canada's request.

"My arms are cramping."

"Perhaps we should concentrate on finishing the tent rather than trying to solve our problems through food," Japan suggested.

"I can't feel my fingers."

"What? No way man, can't you hear my stomach grumbling? I can't even think about fixing this without chowing down on at least another dozen hamburgers."

"Stop ignoring me you stupid hoser!" Canada yelled, his arms trembling above him.

"Whoa, dude, no need to yell." America said and lifted the entrance with one hand. "Next time just say something."

Canada rubbed his arms. "I did say something."

"Then you should speak up." America dropped the entrance and Canada watched in horror as the tent collapsed.

As it hit the ground, England and France came into view, France's face smudged with soil and England's hair littered with grass and twigs. But broke their fight off in the same moment and straightened up.

"What happened to our glorious tent?" France asked as he and England joined America, Japan and Canada at the food crates.

"Canada let go," America said as he slurped his soda.

Canada tried to defend himself but his words were lost beneath England's complaint.

"Then why are you stuffing your fat face again instead of putting it back up? Wasn't this ridiculous camping trip your idea in the first place? Not to mention we're losing the moronic competition _you_ proposed."

America garbled his words in a bite of his burger.

"Kitty!" Italy shouted from the tent to their left.

"I can't believe we're losing to that dolt," England said as he watched Italy roll around on the grass with a cat tugged to his chest.

"I think he is cute," France said with a smile.

"I think he's brain damaged."

They watched him play with the cat whilst America chewed on fries and Canada introduced himself to his bear and almost missed Greece approaching them until he was at their tent.

"Hello," Greece said slowly, aiming his words mostly at Japan.

"Konnichiwa, Greece-san," Japan said with a bow.

"What are you doing here?" England asked with narrowed eyes.

Greece shrugged. "I had nothing else going on."

France wrapped himself around Greece. "Well I for one are glad you are here," France cooed into his ear.

"Where's your camping gear?" Canada asked.

Greece didn't answer until England repeated the question.

"Umm…" The pause went on for a while and just as they were sure he wasn't going to answer he spoke up again. "I didn't bring anything."

"You can share our tent, dude, but you can't share our food. We're already rationing it out," America spread his body across the crates in defence of his beloved burgers.

"That's alright, America-san," Japan said. "Greece-san can share my portion of food."

"Cool," America said and returned to his meal.

"So who's sharing with who?" Canada asked.

"Sexy Greece can share my room," France said as his hand wandered Greece's chest, though Greece didn't seem to mind.

"I'd rather share with Japan," Greece said.

"Too bad, Japan has already said he wanted to share with me," England said and folded his arms.

Greece cocked his head. "But I came to spend time with Japan."

"You can spend time with me," France purred.

After a moment of contemplation, Greece shook his head. "No thanks."

"Fine." France threw in an overdramatic sigh. "Break my heart and share with Japan then. I guess I'm back with _mon Angleterre_."

England shot France a threatening look. "You're not back with me, wine-breath, we were never sharing to begin with."

"How will I ever cope without waking up to the furry caterpillars above your eyes," France said in mock sadness.

America snorted. "Oh man, they look exactly like caterpillars."

England turned his glare on America. "Don't make me bring up your weight problem, America."

The grin fell from America's face.

"Do not be sad, _Amérique_ ," France said and sauntered to his side. "I will cheer you up when we're sleeping together."

America's blue eyes widened. Then he ran behind England and wrapped his arms around England's waist. "I'm sharing with England," America said firmly.

"What about me?" Canada mused.

"Who?" Kumajirou asked.

"Me."

"Who?"

"Canadia!"

"Oh honhonhon." France sidled up to Canada and snaked an arm around his shoulder. "It's look like we are going to be sleeping together."

Canada hugged Kumajirou closer and mumbled some words that were ignored.

"And we are done!" Hungary shouted as she, Seychelles, Belgium, Liechtenstein and Poland stood in front of their tent.

"Yeah, we totally kicked your butts," Poland said with a flick of his blond hair.

"You know you're not actually with them," Lithuania pointed out as America fell to his knees.

"I can't believe we lost," he muttered into his hands.

"Really?" England said sarcastically with a glance to their mangled, half caved in tent.

"You guys turned me into a loser."

"I did no such thing!" France said and turned up his nose.

"You might have won," Denmark shouted across the clearing, "but we're going to come second."

America perked up and pointed at Denmark. "No way dude, that title is ours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this posted last weekend but to be honest it began to sag in the middle and I wasn't sure whether to rewrite the entire chapter or try and fix it and after I while I lost the will to keep working on it. In the end I decided to push on through and so I finished it but I don't think it's as good or funny as my previous chapters.
> 
> Also you'll be as glad as I am that the tent saga is now over and the next chapter will be more focused with clearer scenes. I'm also contemplating the nations playing 'I Never' so if you have any good suggestions for any country I'd be glad to hear them.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who reviewed and hit the Kudos button.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The forest had descended into darkness by the time the tents were finally up and everything was unpacked. After many arguments it was decided that Italy would sleep with Romano and Spain, Russia would not be cuddling up to China and Prussia would not be tormenting Austria any further unless he wanted something unpleasant to happen to his five metres. However, Prussia was suffering from a frying pan related concussion at the time so the promise was suspect.

Once a large fire was built in the clearing (aided by Norway and England's magic) everyone sat around cooking, drinking and chatting. America and Sealand stuffed themselves with s'mores; China and France cooked actual meals; Italy, Japan and Greece cuddled the cats; Romano sniped at Germany; Spain, Austria and Hungary reminisced about raising the Italian brothers; Poland swapped fashion tips with Belgium and Seychelles; Lithuania failed to notice Russia sneak up beside him as he chatted with Estonia and Latvia; Liechtenstein and Finland played with Hanatamago; Sweden and Norway conversed with grunts; Iceland and Canada watched Kumajirou quiz a frustrated Mr Puffin on his identity whilst England drank tea until Denmark and Prussia mentioned beer.

Dinner was served and eaten with minimal arguments and only light scolding from a few nations. When even America was too full for another bite, the nations relaxed around the campfire, drinking wine and beer and vodka (except for Sealand who sipped Ribena).

Sealand brought up the subject of telling scary stories but it surprised everyone when America took up the challenge.

"So, a guy and his hot girlfriend were stranded in this way spooky forest and it was wicked dark and deserted so they decided to totally make out because the chick was super hot and horny with Ukra- huge sized boobs and then they heard this creepy noise like someone scratching the car but there was no one around so the dude got out to look but didn't come back and then the babe started to hear a banging on the roof and- aargh this is too scary!" America shouted and dived into England's lap, hiding his pale face in England's shoulder.

A moment of silence followed.

"Is he for real?" Norway asked finally.

Canada glanced at the cowering hero. "Yep."

"Stop wiping your nose on my top," England said as he failed to remove himself from America's tight grip.

"Why did you want to tell a story if you knew it was just going to scare you?" Seychelles asked.

America sniffed. "I thought it wouldn't be so scary if I told it but it was even worse because I knew there was a ghost at the end."

" _Idiota_ ," Romano grumbled.

"That story was stupid anyway," Sealand said. "I want a real scary story."

"I know scary story," Russia said as he smiled around the campfire.

Latvia trembled. "I want to go to bed."

" _Nyet_ ," Russia said and patted Latvia on the head, pushing the nation back on the ground. "You will listen and like my story."

Italy tugged at Germany. "I'm scared," he whispered.

"We all are," Germany muttered in return.

"My story begins on cold night," Russia said, "with Russian enemy lost in big snowstorm..."

Russia told his tale, his smile stretching wider as he went on, each word bringing his fellow nations huddling together in fear. The Baltics hugged each other tight, Latvia shivering in the middle as he chugged his bottle of vodka in an attempt to black out. Italy and Romano cowered in Germany and Spain's laps respectively, Prussia snuck in between Austria and Hungary whose motherly instincts had taken over as he stroked Prussia's hair and muttered soothing sounds. Even England and France sat with arms wrapped around each other as if it was the end of the world once more.

As Russia described the capture of the Russian enemy in unflinching detail, the fire lowered and cast shadows across his features, stretching the corners of his smile into that of a psychotic clown and darkening the hollow of his eye sockets. All the while, the reflecting orange glow of the flames danced in his eyes. Even Poland found himself backing away.

"And that," Russia finished (his cheery voice so at odds with his horrific tale that it made the story much worse), "is why the man is now happy to be one with Russia. And why he has no skin."

A second silence bloomed in the camp.

"That... was... brilliant!" Sealand sat as he gazed at Russia with wonder. "Tell another."

"No!" the entire camp shouted in chorus.

Sealand grumbled.

Russia smiled down at the 'nation'. "I am glad you like my story. Perhaps tomorrow I tell you of enemy spy discovered in motherland."

"Yeah!" Sealand said.

"Erm, we'll see," Finland muttered and began nudging Sealand to their tent. "But right now it's past your bedtime."

"But I want to stay up late. I'm not even sleepy."

"Listen to your mother," Sweden said.

Finland flushed red but took Sealand into the tent. Switzerland also took the opportunity to escape to his tent so he could work out the cost of the trip and the money he was losing by not being at home.

Latvia dropped his empty bottle of vodka to the ground. "Not enough," he mumbled, his words disjointed with the shaking. "Need more."

"Awesome idea," Prussia said and leapt to his feet. "Where'd you hide the rest of the beer, West?"

Germany handed Prussia a bottle. "Try to limit yourself tonight, bruder. I don't want you throwing up in our tent."

"The awesome me can handle a few drinks, I'm not England."

"Hey!" England shouted. "I can handle my alcohol just fine when I want to."

"Dude, last week you got so wasted you gave Canada a lapdance and made out with wall."

"The horror... the horror," Canada mumbled into Kumajirou's fur as he willed away terrifying memories.

France made a noise. "Why didn't I get a lapdance?"

"You were too busy trying to coax Austria and I into a threesome," Hungary answered.

France leered at the two of them. "Oh honhonhon, now I remember – Austria was playing hard to get."

Austria crossed his arms. "I was not playing hard to get; I was quite clearly rejecting the idea outright."

"I remember Hungary was up for it," France said and threw her a wink.

Austria turned his head but it didn't hide the light dusting of pink on his cheeks.

Hungary smiled and shimmied closer to Austria. "You know I was only playing." She pulled his arms apart and took his hands in hers. "Although if you ever change your mind I wouldn't necessarily say no."

"Screw Mr Stick-Up-His-Ass, why don't you have a threesome with me," Prussia said to Hungary as he threw himself back on the blanket beside her. "Except we lose France."

" _Quoi!_ How could you say such a thing!"

"That would be regular sex," Hungary said, paying no attention to France. She leant forward to Prussia and licked her lips provocatively. "But if you think you can satisfy me all by yourself why don't you take me here and now."

Prussia gulped. "What?"

"Come on Prussia. Take off those clothes and show me what you're made of."

"Yeah Prussia. Whip out that awesome five metres you're always totally bragging about," Poland said. He rolled onto his stomach and kicked his legs back and forth as he grinned at Prussia.

" _Da_ , I would like to see that," Russia said.

Belgium clapped her hands together. "Ooh, yes. Put on a good show for us all."

" _Angleterre_ can give you pointers if you are shy."

England slapped the back of France's head. "Shut up, git."

America laughed. "Dude, he's way too sober to start stripping. We should get some vodka shots in him first."

"Screw you!"

America ignored him and jumped over to the Baltics to snag the vodka bottle from Latvia's unconscious body. Behind him France made a joke about screwing and in the next moment he and England were fighting, toppling over Canada whose quiet pleas for them to stop went unheard.

"The offer's still on the table," Hungary said to Prussia. "But only if you strip in the next minute."

"Off, off, off," Poland chanted and was quickly joined by half the nations, including Italy before Romano covered his mouth.

Prussia shook his head and cowered behind Germany.

"Aww," Poland muttered, "I wanted to see a show." He glanced to England throwing back a shot of vodka as he and France took a moment of respite. "Is England drunk enough yet?"

"I am not putting on a fucking show," England shouted as he drained another shot.

"Try again after three more," France said before England tackled him in a curse filled roar.

"I'll do it!" Denmark shouted and stood up.

Iceland and Norway shared a look whilst Sweden glanced to the tent and debated following Finland.

"Hit the music, four-eyes," Denmark yelled and pointed at Austria.

"With what?" Austria asked. "Do you think I have my piano packed away somewhere?"

"I have my guitar," Spain offered.

Romano glared at Denmark. "Don't encourage him."

"But it's fun, _sí_?"

"It's stupid."

"But being naked is lots of fun!" Italy said and jumped to his feet. "I like taking off my clothes, right Germany?"

"What? Why are you asking that bastard?" Romano turned his glare on Germany. "Why is he asking you?"

Germany shook his head as Italy wrapped his arms around his neck. "I always take off my clothes around Germany."

Romano flushed furiously as his glare towards Germany deepened.

"I didn't realise you two had such a free relationship," Spain mused as he found his guitar.

"We're not- we don't-" Germany spluttered. He extracted himself from Italy's grip. "Italy just likes getting naked, right Japan?"

Japan looked up from his camera. "Germany-san is correct; Italy-san enjoys taking off his clothes, even when decorum and modesty should prevail. And especially at inopportune times."

Greece stroked one of the cats crawling over him. "Maybe we should all get naked? I'll help Japan." He reached over and tugged lazily at Japan's shirt, eliciting a squeak.

" _Oui_ ," France said and flung off his top. "Let's all get naked!"

"Yay," Italy said and began tugging at his shorts before Romano tackled him to the ground and Spain made a sad noise.

"But I, like, wanted a sexy show," Poland said.

"I said I'd do it," Denmark said. He finished his beer in one gulp and dropped the bottle into a growing pile.

"Me too!" England shouted and stood up on swaying feet.

Hungary nodded eagerly. "Good, good, although I feel like we need a third volunteer."

Poland tugged at Lithuania. "Go on, Liet. Strut your totally sexy self."

Lithuania blushed. "What? No, I'm not getting naked!"

"Why not?" Russia asked. "You have good body."

"Stay away from my Liet," Poland shouted at Russia as he gripped Lithuania's arms. He glanced up and down Lithuania. "He is, like, right though."

"Why doesn't China dance for me," Russia said, beaming at his neighbour.

China folded his arms. "I'm not dancing for anyone, aru. Although I would like to see someone make a fool out of themselves."

"Exactly," England said. "Let's get on with it."

" _Sí_ ," Spain said and began strumming a melody on his guitar.

England immediately began swinging his hips from side to side as Denmark struck poses. Japan and Hungary snapped photos as the nations cheered and shouted variations of 'take it off', 'strip' and 'let's see that sweet ass'. As Denmark chucked his shoes into the distance and England sensually struggled with the unfastening of his belt buckle, France jumped into the mix to pour wine over England and feel up Denmark, Italy tried to join in before Romano rugby tackled him to the ground, and Prussia – having gained alcohol related confidence – stumbled sexily into the group where he tripped over the fire and fell head first into Canada's crotch. Many pictures were snapped, Canada was newly traumatised and Prussia became more acquainted with Canada's vital regions than he had ever hoped.

Finland, who returned from putting Sealand to bed, drank quickly to catch up and was soon flaunting himself before the group. Sweden averted his eyes, though he couldn't disguise the colour on his cheeks, whilst Iceland dreamt of all the things he could be doing if he hadn't come camping and Norway showed his refusal to dance with Denmark with a swift punch to the gut.

Belgium encouraged the men by sticking notes in underwear though both Liechtenstein and Seychelles were too embarrassed to join. Both girls had covered their eyes, choosing to peek through parted fingers as they watched the male nations lose all sense of modesty.

All in all, everyone was pretty wasted and half naked (some much more naked than others in England, France and Italy's cases) when a gunshot rang out and broke the fun up. Switzerland strode forwards and covered Liechtenstein's eyes with one hand as he pointed his gun at the nations.

"How dare you corrupt my little Liechtenstein," he accused them all with a growl.

"They were just having some fun, Switzy," Liechtenstein said quickly before he decided to shoot anyone.

"They were corrupting my little sister."

"Relax," Hungary said with a giddy wave. "Liechtenstein's not a child anymore."

"Because you keep corrupting her with yaoi!"

"What's yaoi?" America asked.

"It's the term for boys love," Japan said, "as in stories that focus on homosexual relationships. They are very popular in my country."

"And with girls who want to see their favourite anime guys get it on in lots of kinky ways," Hungary said with a dreamy smile. "Oh so many ways."

"And I told you to stop giving them to my sister."

"Don't be such a spoil sport. Liechtenstein loves them."

Switzerland made a strangled noise.

"They sound sexy," France said as he snuck an arm around Italy's waist. "Can I borrow some?"

"Of course," Hungary said rubbing her hands together in glee, happy for the opportunity to convert another nation. "Just let me know your particular fetishes."

"That's it!" Switzerland said. "Party's over. You're going to bed Liechtenstein."

Liechtenstein mumbled a good night before she disappeared into her tent and Switzerland cocked his gun.

The moment of silence ended with England passing out and hitting the ground with a thud. Hungary titled her camera and caught England at a rather unflattering angle.

Off to the side, Estonia finished his writing up his blog entry, ready for update the following day if he could get his hands on Hungary and Japan's pictures and find a decent Wi-Fi spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay between chapters but at least I finally finished it. I had planned to get onto the next day in this chapter but then I sort of went off on a tangent with the guys stripping so the next chapter will begin with the next day. Also, regarding Prussia in this chapter, my headcanon is that he's shy about sex and nudity when called out on it (what with his Teutonic Knights heritage) but get a few beers in him and he's stripping off with the best of them. Also I added a little PruCan because I'm a fan even if they're not an intended couple in this fic.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and thanks again for all the kudos and reviews.


	5. Chapter 5

 

Chapter Five

England woke up to a biting headache, swirling walls and drool on his pillow. Ah, the all too familiar hangover. At least his many, many years of overindulgence meant he would be back to normal before lunchtime.

He closed his eyes and wiped away the drool, noticing for the first time a heavy weight over his waist. A sort of arm shaped weight that probably connected to the naked body pressed up against his back. _His_ naked back _and_ naked backside.

Fuck.

England tried to muster up indignant anger at the nation spooning him, tried to make his body move so he could jump to his feet and kick out whoever had dared to snuggle him, but the best he managed was a half-hearted flop of his arm.

Sure he was pissed off but he was also very sleepy and maybe a little comfortable and England had the suspicion that it was America hugging him, which wasn't the worst thing in the world. It was actually kind of nice- in a completely platonic and I-raised-you-as-a-colony sort of way and absolutely nothing more.

England tried to piece together his memory of the previous night to take his mind off the warm, naked America wrapped around own his naked self. He was pretty sure he had passed out at some point but he must have come around later because he remembered a long, poignant discussion with Canada's polar bear before Prussia's bird had rudely interrupted them without so much as an apology. He also recalled almost making out with a amorous and wasted Finland before Seychelles had saved him from Sweden's wrath and made him drink a bottle of water (where he was egged on by Denmark until he realised England wasn't chugging down a litre of vodka).

After that everything was a jumbled mess, except that it was either America or Canada that had helped him into the tent (it definitely wasn't France who had been tied to a tree after the girls had caught him sneaking into their tent wearing a skirt and pretending to be Poland). England recalled strong arms and the aroma of greasy foods and decided it was America that had helped him. Which would fit with his memory of Canada ripping off his shirt at the time, calling Russia a hoser and challenging him to a game of hockey.

So that meant it was America with an arm slung casually over England's waist. And a naked America at that.

Wait, why was America naked?

England's eyes shot open. He regretted it instantly as his vision doubled and the room swam around him. It settled after a moment but the question still remained: why was America naked?

He hadn't been last night; in fact he'd been one of the few nations that had remained fully clothed, despite France's begging - actually it was probably because France had been begging. So that meant America had gotten naked in the tent.

Butterflies fluttered in England's stomach, which did not help with the sickness and nausea one bit.

Had he- had they had sex?

No, they couldn't have. This was America, his little colony who he had raised from a child into a tall, muscular, hot nation... not that he had noticed.

But it didn't matter what America looked like because they hadn't had sex.

Probably.

Maybe.

...Oh God.

This was bad. Not the actual sex part (he presumed) but the morning after the sex part. It would be awkward and they'd avoid eye contact and the other nations would somehow know (if they already didn't since the walls of a tent weren't exactly soundproof and America had no sense of volume control) and then there would be gossip and quizzing and Christ, why had he agreed to this stupid camping trip in the first place? He didn't even like camping. Far too commercialised since his youth when he'd fought for survival in the wild armed with only bow and arrows.

Then England heard voices coming his way and tensed up.

"...already have enough as it is." Canada's voice floated through the far too thin fabric of the tent as he passed them by. England remained frozen despite the fact he knew Canada could not see them.

"It isn't about food dude, it's about the art of hunting. And showing off my brand new shotgun," said a voice that was quite clearly America. An America that was not in the tent with him.

England turned his head, expecting the worse. And found it.

"Morning, _mon amour_."

 

#

A loud shout woke Germany up with a start. He stretched out a hand and checked his watch, becoming instantly irritated at himself for sleeping in far later than usual. He blamed it on staying up until the early hours to keep an eye on his brother and to keep Italy from doing something stupid, neither of which had been easy or earned any reprieve from Romano.

Germany shifted and a leg that did not belong to him found its way over his hip. Unsure whether it was Prussia, whose sense of personal boundaries had found a new low, or Italy, who had no sense of personal boundaries.

It was Italy.

Germany expressed no shock of this revelation, or of Italy's lack of clothing. Both were familiar. Far, _far_ too familiar.

Germany rolled Italy onto his back and covered him with a blanket. Immediately Italy turned back onto his side and curled into Germany, scrunching Germany's vest in tight fists.

"Italy," Germany whispered as he pushed against Italy's shoulder, which only made Italy grip tighter and shimmy closer.

Germany called his name again. This time came a soft moan and Italy nuzzling his cheek against the bare skin of Germany's chest.

It was... embarrassing.

An embarrassment made worse by the blush spreading across Germany's face. And the blanket falling off Italy. And Spain and Romano popping their heads into the tent at that moment.

The latter being especially embarrassing.

Romano turned red and spluttered.

Spain smiled and waved.

Germany couldn't decide which was worse. But then Italy moaned Germany's name rather loudly and happily and won hands down.

"What the hell are you doing to my brother, you pervert!" Romano shouted and lunged across the tent to rip Italy from Germany's grip.

"That's not nice, Roma," Spain said as he came into the tent nonchalantly. "Italy looked cute like that."

"Shut up bastard."

"Romano? What are you doing?" Italy asked sleepily as Romano struggled to wrap him in a blanket.

"I'm preserving your modesty, _idiota_. Now keep still."

"Modesty?" he mumbled in a surprised voice and Germany wondered whether Italy was surprised that Romano thought Italy had modesty, or if Italy was surprised that such a thing existed.

"Yes your modesty. Now get away from this bastard before he tries anything," Romano said and began dragging Italy backwards.

"I'm not going to try anything," Germany said annoyed. It wasn't like he was one of the nations with a reputation for wandering hands and he'd certainly never done anything to warrant such suspicion from Romano.

"Let go of me, _fratello_!" Italy cried and wriggled like an eel in Romano's grasp until the blanket fell away and revealed everything.

Germany blushed and pointedly looked away as if he'd never seen Italy naked a day in his life.

Spain made no such attempt. "You two really are brothers," he said with a bright oblivious smile.

Germany tried very hard not to picture Romano naked. He failed.

"Shut up!" Romano shouted and released Italy to push Spain away.

"Germany!" Italy yelled and dove into Germany, knocking them both to the ground.

"Ow, Roma," Spain said and dodged Romano's attack. "Why are you being so mean? I meant it as a compliment."

"I said shut up, bastard!"

"Erm, Italy," Germany said and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Could you maybe, er, get off me."

Italy made a vague noise and shuffled his body closer to Germany, which was awkward considering Italy was lying on top of him and also because only the fabric of Germany's boxers lay between his and Italy's naked crotch.

 

#

"Forget them," Belgium whispered to Hungary. "You need to get your camera over here now."

Hungary left England and France arguing about the definition of sex and joined Belgium at Germany and Prussia's tent.

She slowly peeled back the entrance and glanced inside. Her eyes widened.

Behind Spain trying to calm a red-faced Romano, Italy and Germany appeared to be engaged in some light dry humping. In a moment she had her camera in hand and was snapping shot after shot, unable to believe her luck.

For years she had been pursuing evidence of Germany and Italy's relationship to win her bet with Japan but he'd dismissed all of her previous photos and recordings as coincidence and bad timing (and that one shot as Prussia and Hungary in wigs and costume – which she would neither confirm nor deny), but this time she had proof. How else could Japan explain a blushing Germany lying on the ground with a naked Italy grinding on top of him? As an accident? An innocent moment caught at a suggestive angle. Hah! Hungary had her proof and Japan would be paying up.

Hungary backed out of the tent before she was spotted.

"Did you get it?" Belgium asked.

Hungary showed Belgium her camera.

"Wow," Belgium said as she flicked through the images. "No wonder Romano was going nuts."

"I can't believe they were still going at it with Romano and Spain in there," Hungary said with a dreamy smile. "Who knew they were so frisky."

Belgium clicked to the next image. "Ooh, that's a good one for your collection."

"I think I might make it the album cover."

Belgium nodded in agreement and both nations took a moment to appreciate Spain's ass.

 

#

"Where are my glasses?" Austria asked as he felt around the tent.

"I'm not your maid," Switzerland snapped as he dressed. "Find them yourself."

"That's easy to say when you can see more than one blurry foot in front of you."

Switzerland exhaled. "Haven't I already come to your rescue enough?"

"Finding my glasses within the confines of a small tent is not the same as coming to my aid after being beaten once or twice in battle."

"Once or twice?" Switzerland yelled.

"Do you want to find my glasses or rehash the past?"

"I don't want to do either."

"Well I wouldn't normally ask but Lithuania and Poland aren't here and Hungary might get the wrong idea if I invite her in."

"Fine, I'll look. Just be quiet so I can get this over with." Switzerland scoured the tent but was unable to find them.

"They're not here," he said with a huff.

"They didn't just get up and walk out on their own. Are you sure you've looked properly?"

"Yes I have and before you go complaining maybe you should act grateful that I looked in the first place."

Austria mumbled a thank you but it only made the situation more uncomfortable.

"We should ask if Poland or Lithuania have seen them," Switzerland said and left the tent, Austria stumbling after him.

Austria blinked in the bright sunshine and peered at the vague shapes around him. Seeing a brunette Austria waved Hungary over.

"I can't find my glasses," he told her.

"So?" China asked. "We all have our problems, aru. Russia's stalking me and I'm sure Panda is in on it but I don't come running to you asking for help."

"My apologies. I thought you were Hungary."

"What? Are you saying I look like a woman?"

" _Da_ , my China has pleasing feminine qualities but I know for fact he is a man," Russia said from where he seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

"Stop scaring me, aru!" China yelled with a jump. Then he eyed Russia suspiciously. "Why do you say you know for a fact? You can't know for sure."

Russia smiled. "Oh I know for sure."

China stared at him for a moment longer before diving into his tent and zipping it up.

"My China is so funny," Russia said and Austria could only presume he was smiling because he still couldn't see.

"Can you point me towards Hungary?" Austria asked Russia, glad to have a reason to get away from the scary nation without raising suspicion.

" _Da_." Russia turned Austria around with cold hands and indicated a person shaped blob.

Austria slowly made his way over when he heard a muffled 'kesesese'. He paused. "Prussia?"

The noise came again.

"Prussia I know it's you."

His weird laugh returned louder and sent a cold shiver down Austria's back.

He sighed. "You've got my glasses, haven't you Prussia?"

"No," sounded Prussia's unmistakable voice.

"Give me back my glasses."

"Finders keepers."

"You didn't find my glasses, you stole them out of my tent."

"Pssh, semantics." A dark figure with a white top stole up on Austria.

"Hand them over now."

"Or what? You'll set Hungary on me because you're too much of a wimp to take me on yourself? Maybe you should beg Switzerland for help while you're at it."

Austria glared at what he presumed was Prussia's face. "Stop acting like a child."

"Only if you act like a man!"

"Ooh, you, like, totally got his nostrils flaring," Poland said from somewhere to his right.

"Poland? How long have you been there?"

"I'm, like, just passing by. BTW, Spain and Romano were totally caught having an orgy with Germany and Italy, which is, like, icky because Italy and Romano are brothers but, like, also kind of hot too, you know?"

"No I don't!" Austria snapped.

"And like, England gave France a handjob, or France gave England a blowjob; I can't remember which," Poland said, his tone suggesting he was deep in thought as he tried to recall details. "But then there was totally some mention of America so maybe he went down on someone too? I'll totally have to ask Hungary."

"No way," Prussia said. "The awesome me would know if my friends were getting laid."

Poland shrugged. "Maybe they, like, didn't want to hurt your feelings? You should totally screw Austria to catch up."

"That will not be happening," Austria said right as Prussia made a strangled noise.

"Shame, because, like, Hungary would be totally up for it."

"I don't care. I just want my glasses back."

"Never, they're mine now. You'll have to kill me for them."

And it was at this point that a gunshot sounded and in that moment Austria wondered whether God had heard his prayers and struck Prussia down, though he was unsure why God would chose to do so with a shotgun.

But in the next moment he heard a distant yell and realised his prayers had gone unanswered.

 

#

Canada cried out and America realised he had made a huge mistake.

But rather than dwell on his bad judgement, America swung Canada over his shoulder and carried him all the way back to the camp like the hero America was. In a second they were swarmed by nations who insisted on making a way bigger deal out of Canada's tiny bullet wound than it could possibly warrant.

Ok, sure there was a lot of blood and Canada's shaking wasn't helping but they were nations so it wasn't like it could kill them. At least America didn't think so.

" _Mon chou Canada_!" France shouted as he flung himself past America. " _Qu'est-ce que cette brute t'a fait_?"

"America, you moron, what did you do?" England asked as he shoved his way through the crowd.

"What are you blaming me for? I didn't do anything."

"You're holding the gun, you idiot."

America glanced at the shotgun in his hand. "Oh. But I didn't shoot Canada. It was him."

Everyone followed his accusing finger to Sealand trying to hide behind Sweden.

Finland gasped. "You shot Canada?"

" _Emmenez ce bâtard loin de Canada_!"

"It was an accident!" Sealand shouted, his eyes filling up with tears.

"You said you knew how to handle a gun," America said.

Gazes turned back his way and America wished he hadn't said anything.

"You gave my son a shotgun?" Sweden asked, his expressionless expression somehow much, much scarier than normal.

"He said he used them all the time."

"I do," Sealand said with a sob.

Sweden turned to look at Sealand.

Sealand swallowed. "I mean, they're toy guns but it's like the same thing."

"See, it's not my fault," America said and crossed his arms.

England slapped the back of America's head. "You do not let a child play with guns. How can you not know that."

"Excuse me," Japan said, "but I think Canada-san has passed out."

" _Mon bébé Canada_!"

"Maybe he's sleeping," Greece said with a yawn. "I know I could go for a nap."

"I'll wake him up," Russia said and lifted a pickaxe above his head.

" _Aiyah_! I keep telling you that is not a medically approved tool, aru."

"I have the first aid kit," Seychelles said and wound her way through the crowd to Canada's side.

Across the clearing, Denmark lumbered out of his tent. "Morning," he called, paying little mind to the fact that he was naked and oblivious to the words ' _pass opp, intelligens mindre enn pikk_ ' scrawled on his back. "What's are you guys doing over there?"

"America gave Sealand his shotgun to shoot Canada," Estonia said without looking up from his typing.

"I didn't give him it to shoot Canada," America said, almost wishing he'd taken the blame for Canada's minuscule injury. "He did that himself."

"It was an accident," Sealand said with a choked sob.

Finland wrapped his arms around Sealand and mumbled soothing words in Finnish. America glared at the ground. Why was Sealand let off the hook? Why didn't he get a hug?

America glanced at England and was met with a thunderous look. Well, he didn't want a hug anyway.

Canada came to and blushed under all the attention he was receiving. "What happened?"

"America gave Sealand his shotgun to shoot you," Estonia said, again without peeling his gaze away from his tablet.

America growled in frustration and decided never to hand a loaded gun over to a minor no matter how much they pleaded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my best chapter so far and I had a lot of fun writing it, which is probably why I've finished it earlier than anticipated.
> 
> It's also moving along at a slower pace than I had planned but then again there are so many characters doing so many different things at once that it's too hard to write at a fast place. And I realise I didn't get all the characters in this but I tried my best and all characters will have their moments in the spotlight.
> 
> The French translations (suggested by my sister and corrected by FF.net user Kignon) are:
> 
> Mon chou Canada! – My darling Canada!
> 
> Qu'est-ce que cette brute t'a fait? – What did that brute do to you?
> 
> Mon bébé Canada! - My baby Canada!
> 
> Emmenez ce bâtard loin de Canada! – Take that bastard away from Canada!
> 
> And the writing on Denmark's back is:
> 
> pass opp, intelligens mindre enn pikk – beware, intelligence smaller than dick (which is Norwegian and completely Google translated)
> 
> Anyway I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. And again, thank you so much to everyone who has commented, subscribed and hit kudos - it honestly means a lot to me!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm wondering if I should up the rating...

Chapter Six

After the initial shock of Canada's shooting had passed, the nations drifted away – China in a huff after failing to sell his 'secret' medicine – leaving only a guilty America hovering by his side. France had stayed the longest, fawning over Canada and squeezing the breath out of him in too tight hugs until America pointed out the blood in his hair and France had fled howling over his 'precious, beautiful, golden hair'.

Now they sat side by side in awkward silence, America wishing he could diffuse the tension and Canada wishing he had stepped out of the way when Sealand had lifted the shotgun.

"Um..." America began before faltering. He half wanted to apologise but he'd said sorry a bazillion times already even though his country's lawyers always advised that uttering such a word was an acknowledgement of guilt and the last thing he needed was Canada to sue him; he would never get over the embarrassment and his boss would be so pissed. Plus he bet Sealand wouldn't be taken to court even though it was ninety percent his fault.

So instead he decided to emphasise his own heroicness. "You know I carried you all the way back to the camp," America said with a puffed out chest. "And I ran all the way."

"Er, thank you..?" Canada said, a confused expression on his face.

Another stretch of silence followed. America glanced over his shoulder and watched the nations. He caught England's eye and was given a glare. America spun back around feeling like a child put in a time-out.

"Everyone hates me," America mumbled.

Canada looked over at him, feeling sorry for America even though he was the one still bleeding. "They don't hate you. They just think you're an idiot." Which he was but Canada didn't hold it against him.

"But they always think I'm an idiot!"

"I guess today they think you're more of an idiot than usual."

America ground his heel into the grass. "But I'm not you know, I mean I am, but I'm also not." He frowned. "That sounded dumb."

Canada offered a weak smile. "No, I understand. You're not unintelligent, it's just your ideas are, um, creative and you say whatever pops into your head before you think it through but it doesn't make you stupid. Maybe thoughtless, but not dumb." Well, maybe a little dumb but America was suffering a crisis of confidence and Canada understood how demoralising self-doubt could be.

"Really?" America asked, his eyes wide and innocent.

"Sure."

America beamed his big, bright, toothpaste advertisement smile, and Canada couldn't help but grin in return.

"Hey Canada," America said. "You know you're kind of awesome."

Canada blushed.

"Seriously dude, no other nation would be so nice to me after I – through no fault of my own – accidentally got you shot. I mean could you imagine how moody England or Austria would be if they were in your place? I'd never hear the end of it."

Canada thought America might deserve such a punishment but he couldn't bring himself to tell America off.

"We should totally hang out more. You, me and that panda of yours," America said as he wrapped an arm around Canada's shoulders.

"Kumamatata is a polar bear. China has the panda."

"Bear, panda, puffin, they all have fur and walk on four legs."

"...That's not quite right."

"Whatever dude. All I'm saying is you and me are totally best bros from on. In fact we are gonna spend this camping trip bonding. What do ya say?"

"Do... do we have to?"

America laughed and patted Canada hard enough on the back to send him flying face first into the soil. "Man, we are gonna have the best time together."

Canada spluttered out dirt and rethought his opinion on America.

 

#

"This is boring," Prussia said as he glared at the cat eyeing Gilbird in his hair. "I'm bored." Around him the other nations were slowly getting ready and chatting with one another. He half entertained the idea of giving Sealand the shotgun back to liven things up again but after seeing America in a time out and Sweden's scary face, he opted to indulge in his favourite habit of trolling Austria.

"Whatever you're planning, please don't," Austria said in his most put upon voice.

Prussia halted his diabolical plans. "How did you know that I was planning something?"

"You were laughing and looking at me. You're hardly subtle Prussia."

"The awesome me is too awesome for subtlety."

"If by awesome you mean _dummkoph_ then I agree."

"You're the _dummkoph_!"

"You're the-" Austria shook his head. "You are not going to lure me into a petty argument, Prussia. Why don't you go bother your _Bruder_?"

"Because you're so much more fun to tease."

Austria shot him a snooty look before returning to his book.

Prussia grinned. "Austria? Austria! Austria, Austria, Austria, Austria, Aus- ow!"

Prussia rubbed the back of his head were Hungary had slapped him.

"Don't think it's too early for me to get the frying pan," Hungary said as she began finding plates to serve breakfast. "Why don't you go amuse yourself with Spain and France."

"Don't want to."

"Why not?"

"He's in a mood because, like, all his friends are totally getting laid and Austria won't flirt with him," Poland said as he flopped down beside Hungary.

Prussia scowled at him. "I'm not in a mood and France and Spain aren't getting laid. And I don't care that Austria isn't flirting with me."

"Aww, you look totally sad," Poland said before turning to Austria. "Can't you flirt with him a little bit?"

"No."

Prussia folded his arms. "I wouldn't want to flirt with you anyway; you're not awesome enough for me."

"Good."

"And your music sucks too."

Austria gasped and Hungary whacked him on the head again, though careful not to hit Gilbird who was still enjoying taunting the pack of cats on the ground.

"Next time it will be the pan."

Prussia pouted. Hungary served breakfast to herself and Austria, then Liechtenstein and Switzerland who had been tempted over by a free meal. Poland turned it down in favour of Lithuania's cooking so Prussia stole his share. The meal was nice, the company awkward. Hungary and Liechtenstein didn't mind too much as they talked among themselves about how it was a shame Ukraine couldn't make it after Russia had asked her to distract Belarus for the week. Switzerland, Austria and Prussia said nothing and avoided eye contact.

When the meal was over and the cats and Hanatamago had fought over scraps, Prussia slid closer to Austria.

Hungary kicked his knee. "Don't start."

"But I'm bored."

"So?" Hungary asked. "What do you want me to do about it?"

Prussia smirked. "Why don't you make out with Belgium for a bit, that'd entertain me."

"I'm not making out with anyone for your amusement."

"What? Are you kidding me? You're always trying to us to make out for your voyeuristic pleasure!"

Hungary laughed. "Like I need to make you guys do anything; it'd be harder for me to stop you from engaging in casual sex with one another, right England."

England paused from trying to tempt Hanatamago with his blackened breakfast and turned red. "You're the one who gets off on perverted photos of your friends!"

"Nations in glass houses should not throw stones, Mr Mutual Masturbation."

England squawked, France smirked, America snorted, and Austria practiced Chopin in his head.

"Well at least I'm not a sexual deviant-"

France scoffed.

"-like those four," England said, his face bright red as he pointed accusingly at Spain, Romano, Italy and Germany.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Romano yelled.

Germany, meanwhile, looked confused. "I'm not a sexual deviant."

"Maybe he means those magazines under your bed," Italy helpfully suggested. "You know the ones with the leather and chains and-"

Germany slapped a hand over Italy's mouth.

"Stop corrupting my brother, you potato pervert," Romano shouted at Germany, before turning back to England. "And you, who are you to accuse anyone of being a sexual deviant?"

"What the hell are you implying?"

"I do believe he's referring to your title of Erotic Ambassador, _mon amour_."

"Fuck you France, you're the one who gave me that title in the first place!"

"But you do hold a lot of sexual records," Greece said and rolled over so his head was in a very uncomfortable Japan's lap.

"That's just... because... whatever, at least I don't shag my own brother."

Romano looked ready to explode. "What?"

"Roma," Spain said, his voice a touch sad, "you didn't? Without me?"

Romano punched Spain in the stomach. "Shut up, bastard."

"I'm confused," Italy said. "Germany, what's England talking about?"

"Duh, he's, like, talking about your totally kinky foursome this morning," Poland said, looking far too interested in the conversation.

"Our foursome?" Germany asked, his brow furrowed.

Prussia wolf whistled. "Way to go, _Bruder_. I never knew you had it in you."

"How much did I miss this morning?" Denmark asked as he pulled on clothes.

Finland shushed him so as not to distract from the current entertainment.

"There was no foursome, fuckface," Romano growled at Prussia, then everyone in general. "Where the fuck do you morons get these ideas?"

"Hungary," Belgium said. "She took the pictures."

Romano stomped over to Hungary. "Let me see."

Hungary showed Romano the photos on her camera, careful not to let it into his hands so he couldn't delete the images.

Sealand looked up at Sweden. "Papa, what's a foursome?"

Sweden blushed. "It's, er, something some grownups do."

"It is fun?"

"Depends who you're with," Denmark answered with a grin.

Norway flicked him on the ear and earned a yelp.

"Can I do a foursome too when I'm older?" Sealand asked, a hopeful expression on his face.

Sweden blushed and glanced around for Finland to help him out.

"Can I papa?"

"Yeah, can he?" Denmark asked.

Sweden glared at Denmark.

"Papa?"

"We'll talk about it later."

Sealand got the feeling that this was one of those grownup things that he wasn't supposed to know about. So he'd ask someone else about it when his papa wasn't around.

"So, _mon ami_ , which of our darling little Italy's is the best lover?"

Spain frowned. "Well, I don't remember having an orgy but I bet Roma was wonderful."

"We didn't have an orgy, Spain," Germany said with a furiously red face.

"Oh. I suppose we can have one later then," Spain said with a smile.

"That wasn't what I was getting at..."

Prussia waved his hand in the air. "Ooh, me, me, the totally awesome me will take West's place."

"But I don't wanna have an orgy without Germany," Italy said with a frown.

"What why not? I'm just as awesome as _mein Bruder_."

"If my little Italy wants out then let _moi_ join instead."

"Hey if you're looking for replacements then look no further," Denmark said and proceeded to flex his arms.

Russia appeared from nowhere. " _Da_ , that sounds fun. We should all become one."

The nations shivered.

Poland glared at him. "Urgh, Russia, you are, like, totally killing the mood."

"Are we doing this now," Greece said and slowly sat up and began undressing. "Because if so I get first dibs on Japan."

"Can I join in?" America called from across the clearing.

"No," England shouted back. "You're still on the naughty stool."

America's shoulders drooped and he mumbled something disparaging about Supernanny.

"I want Romano," France said as he whipped his clothes off in the blink of an eye.

Spain shook his head. "No, Roma is mine."

"But I've been chasing after the Italy's for so long! How about we share?"

Spain brightened up. " _Si_ , that could be fun, right Roma?"

Romano lifted his head from where he had got distracted with Spain's album. "Huh, what do you want, _idiota_?"

"We're gonna have the orgy now. You don't mind me and France sharing you, do you?"

Romano exploded. "What? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"We're having an orgy!" Sealand shouted in glee.

"I think now might be the time to walk Hanatamago," Finland said to Sweden.

Sweden nodded.

"Isn't it a little early for an orgy?" Lithuania asked nervously. "We've only just had breakfast."

"It's never too early for an orgy," France said with a flick of his hair.

China shook his head. "Lithuania is right. Tai chi now, orgy later."

" _Sí_ ," Italy said. "And then Germany can join too!"

"It wasn't the timing I had a problem with," Germany mumbled.

"Then what are we going to do now?" Belgium asked, settling back into her seat a little frustrated by the turn of events.

"Beach!" Sealand shouted. "Beach, beach, beach!"

"Yeah I wanna go to a beach too," America called over to them.

England glared at him. "You don't get a vote."

"But Sealand does?"

"Sealand's a child, plus no one pays attention to him anyway."

"Shut up jerkface!"

"Don't be rude," Finland said in his best mothering voice.

"He started it!"

"That doesn't mean you should call people names."

"Awww."

Finland patted Sealand on the shoulder. "Come on then, let's go to the beach."

Sealand cheered and Sweden watched them with a soft smile.

 

#

By the time they arrived at the beach the sun was high in the sky and perfect for sunning themselves on the secluded stretch of sand. They drifted into groups to set up towels and chairs and strip down to their swim suits.

"Oh, you're wearing trunks," Greece said to Japan, disappointment evident in his voice.

Japan turned around and quickly covered his eyes at Greece's naked form. "Greece-san, why are you naked? It's improper!"

"The male form is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Hallelujah to that," Hungary said as she passed by, not without ogling first.

"It is in polite company," Japan said. "Please put something on."

"But you didn't mind when we were skinny dipping at your house."

"That was an _onsen_! And we were not 'skinny dipping' we were taking a bath!"

Greece tilted his head and watched Japan. "You have funny customs, Japan, but I like the naked bathing together, it was very... sensual."

Japan blushed. "It's traditional."

"Like naked Spartan examinations?"

"No."

Greece pouted before picking up the sunscreen. "Will you help me do my back?"

Japan peeked through his fingers. "Yes, if you put something on."

Greece sighed but tugged on some clothes. "I'll put some on you too so your pretty skin doesn't burn."

" _Arigatō_."

Greece sat down and looked out towards the ocean. Japan knelt behind him and squirted the sunscreen into his hands before touching Greece. He rubbed the lotion on slowly, hands gliding over the muscles and contours of Greece's back as he tried hard not to think too much about how nice the warm skin felt underneath his fingers.

"Mmm, you have soft hands," Greece mumbled.

Japan felt his blush return, especially when Greece moaned rather loudly.

"You're really good at this," Greece said. "I love the way you touch me."

Japan squeaked. "I think you're done."

Greece turned around, a blissful look on his face. "I'll do you now."

Japan nodded, not trusting himself to be able to make a coherent sentence, and manoeuvred in his spot on the towel.

"You're very beautiful," Greece murmured as he ran fingers up and down Japan's spine. "So smooth."

Japan wondered if the rest of him was as red as his face.

Greece began applying the sunscreen, smiling to himself at Japan's cute blush. He moved his hands first in long, light strokes, before rubbing circles into Japan's lower back. Japan slumped forward, relaxing under Greece's ministrations. As the massage went on, he moved his hands up Japan's shoulder and down his arms and chest. When his fingers brushed a nipple, Japan jumped.

"Greece-san!"

"Sorry, I forgot how sensitive you are."

The blush returned and Japan glanced around in case they'd been overheard. Lucky for him, everyone was busy elsewhere, including Hungary and her yaoi tuned hearing.

"Greece-san, you should not make such familiar comments."

"Why? It's true, isn't it?"

"That doesn't mean you should talk about it."

"Oh... Does that mean I shouldn't talk about the night that we made lov-"

"That was a dream!"

"It felt very realistic," Greece said, thinking back to when he'd offered to teach Japan the joy of sex.

"It was a dream!"

Greece nuzzled his face into Japan's neck as he squeezed the other nipple. Greece smiled into Japan's neck as he squeaked and arched his back. "Do you think it's a dream that could happen again?"

Japan covered his face and mumbled something non-committal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had hoped to get this finished yesterday for my birthday but I ended up procrastinating all day and finishing this at about three in the morning and was too tired to upload. Also I had not realised how long it'd been since my last update until I came to add this chapter, so sorry for that and I'll try to be a little more consistent in the future. 
> 
> I hope this chapter is alright but (as usual) I got sidetracked by the orgy conversation which turned a lot more cracky than I had originally intended, and then I struggled with Greece's character so I hope he's not too OC. And JFC this fic is moving at a glacial pace - seriously this is the sixth chapter and I'm still on the second day! I'm gonna try and speed things up so that way we can reach the end of the week before I die of old age.
> 
> Finally I just wanna add that I've uploaded a zombie AU Hetalia fic if anyone's interested, and I was wondering if anyone else is thinking of writing fanfiction for NaNoWriMo?
> 
> Thanks to all the amazing people who left me a comment or hit kudos (how the hell did this silly fic get 53 kudos???)!

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested you can find my tumblr at [Maniac-Elle](http://maniac-elle.tumblr.com/).


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